By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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