so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
