I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
