dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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