Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
