I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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