We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
