with your own penis?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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