she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
