i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
