i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
