based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize