So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
