Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
