My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
