Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
