I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
