This dress was meant to end up on your floor
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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