yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize