You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
