I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Terrible idea I love it
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
