Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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