I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
