I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
