I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
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One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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