meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize