Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the day after is always just damage control
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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