Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
