She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Randomize
