I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize