i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
