I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
