names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
