I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
