Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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