I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
don't judge my taste in strippers
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
