After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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