I'm going to jail i love you
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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