Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize