The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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