dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
