You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
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