is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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