11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
