I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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