He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
