somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize