My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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