I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
