my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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