walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
