i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
