i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
