I seem to have left my pride at pride
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
