Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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