Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
