just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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