Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
