maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
