Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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