When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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